TOP 10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOUR FATHER, whoever he might be.:)

1. The way he loves you.

2. The way he smiles with his eyes alone.

3. His never-ending and overwhelming kindness.

4. The way he crosses his feet when he reads his paper.

5. His hands.

6. His quite, understated genius.

7. The way he lets me be a kid.

8. The way he laughs when both of us do something silly.

9. The way he casually does things around the house.

10. His old T-shirts and the way he smells.

TOP 10 THINGS MY DAUGHTER SHOULD KNOW ABOUT BOYS.

1. They make the best childhood friends.
2. Later on they all want to sleep with you.
3. The best way to keep boy's attention is NOT to sleep with him too fast.
4. Boys are just as insecure as we are. Be gentle on their ego.
5. Decency makes a man out of a boy, not material things.
6. If the boy WANTS to call, he WILL.
7. Sense of humor will beat looks in the end.
8. You should WANT to be with him, not NEED.
9. Boys like to solve problems, not talk about them.
10. Don't nag or try to change the boy.

TOP 10 REASONS TO VOTE FOR ME TO GET "BEST PARENTING BLOG"

1. It will give me some much needed self esteem that I never got from my mother.
2. I am 6'2 and a girl. Imagine what high school was like for me.
3. I didn't kiss a boy until I was 18 and I tried daily.
4. People still refer to me as "sir" even when I breastfeeding.
5. I was raised in Russia which resulted in my first smile at the age of 7.
6. There is strong possibility I peed myself the other day when I laughed. Thank God I don't have that many reasons to laugh.
7. My own dog bites me...as I feed her.
8. My favorite pass time is imagining all the horrific ways I can die.
9. I often put myself to sleep by watching home shopping network on mute.
10. Because by me knowing NOTHING about parenting, I made you feel better about yourself.
10 1/2. Please click on the logo all the way on the bottom of this page. I have no idea how to position it anywhere else. Thank you!

TOP 10 WAYS TO SAVE MONEY ON A BABY

1. Try to restrain yourself from buying 832462 overly cute non practical outfits for your newborn. They will wear 2 of them. Really.
2. Take anything other mothers give you and thank them often.
3. Breasfeed If you can...or want to.
4. Thrift Stores. 80% of the time baby or kid clothes still has tags on them due to the #1 on my list and kids books are 50 cents a pop.
5. If you going back to work, look for a family center. They are smaller, cheaper and often so much better.
6. Write off that daycare on your taxes for a nice chunk of refund.
7. Pots and pans beat fancy toy any day.
8. Buy and sell on craigslist. You can get a $250 stroller for $70 and then sell it two years later for $50.
9. Ask your good friends to babysit for 3 hours once a month. 4 friends...you get the math. Invite them all for dinner to say "Thank you". Serve hot pockets.:)

9 1/2. www.diapers.com

9 3/4 http://ilikeitmama.com/

10. Love is free.

TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNT FROM BEING RAISED IN EUROPE

1. Belt is not there just to hold people's pants up.

2. Food choices are for people who pay for food. Kids eat what they are given.

3. Interrupting adult conversation can provide proof for #1 on my list.

4. Lack of toys creates imagination.

5. Bedtime is not negotiable, unless it's bar night.

6. Playing outside all day helps a child "sleep through the night".

7. Talking back at your parents can very possibly be your last words.

8. Unless you are unconscious or holding your brain in your hands, reporting home from outside is not necessary.

9. Tea, raspberry jam and vodka = Children's Tylenol.

10. No one should see their father in a speedo.

TOP 10 THINGS I DON'T QUITE UNDERSTAND ABOUT PARENTING

1. Those flower hair-bands that they put on infants.

2. What is so brilliant about $900 Bugaboo stroller?

3. Why do we get 6 weeks paid maternity leave, when it's 1 year in Borat's Kazahstan?

4. Why am I still paying my hospital bill 9 months after perfectly healthy delivery?

5. Why do after-school programs end at 5pm, when we all work until at least 5:30?

6. What does my kid find sooo entertaining about 3am?

7. How come my daughter only wants to play with a trash can when there are 63824 toys laying within inches of her?

8. Why can I not find a restaurant with an attached daycare center room, so me and my husband can enjoy a nice meal (Chuckie E. Cheese does not count)?

9. How can a hot dog on kid's menu cost $9?

10. Who thought it was a great idea to make 100% Polyester baby sleepers, when I, as an adult wanted to kill myself every time I wore polyester?

10 1/2. Why do I only get to write 10 of these when I have 823746 questions?

TOP 10 WAYS TO CALM A CRYING BABY (colic or not). Please feel free to add!

1. Very tight swaddle in a great BIG blanket. I swear by Aden+Anais (see the picture). Go to http://www.adenandanais.com/

2. Take them outside for some fresh air.

3. Repeated monotone singing, ocean waves, rain sounds, heartbeat or repeated sound of your head banging against the wall.

4. Gripe water and/or Myson Drops.

5. Vodka and earplugs...for you.

6. Driving or walking with a sling with a swaddled kid in it.

7. Making everything that touches their skin 100% cotton.

8. Any kind of sucking.

9. Having a night nurse (Brad and Angelina style) and then removing yourself in the room #543 of your 3rd mansion. I am not hating. Brad, if you ever in town, let's have a playdate (I mean us):)

10. Swing! Swing! Swing!

TOP 10 THINGS I HATE HEARING MOTHERS SAY TO ME AT THE PLAYGROUND.

1. "It's cute how your daughter bangs her head against the wall like that"

2. "We don't have a TV"

3. "Her hair will grow...I think...eventually"

4. "I don't have to ever work" then 2 minutes later

5. "Where is that nanny?"

6. "Is that your husband? He is cute."

7. "My daughter walked when she was 5 months old... up the hill, in the snow."

8. "I wish I was as carefree as you. I am so obsessed with always watching my kid."

9. "We are having a princess party..."

10. "Your little boy (I have a daughter) should be in pageants"

TOP 10 THINGS I HOPE MY DAUGHTER WILL EXPERIENCE WHEN SHE GROWS UP.

1. Love...even if it breaks her heart.

2. Being moved to tears from music.

3. Spending a prolonged period of time abroad, lost and then embraced by language and culture

4. Having a kid...when and if she is ready.

5. Having someone tell her "You changed my life".

6. Being poor, but happy.

7. Staying up till morning, talking to someone...maybe even me, if I am lucky:)

8. Marrying a man like her father.

9. Being upset by someone's unfairness or cruelty and then doing something about it.

10. Forgetting umbrella.

TOP 10 WAYS I ALREADY F***ED UP AS MOTHER (my daughter is only 9 months old)

1. All I heard was...BOOM!

2. Sleep training - on, sleep training - off, sleep training - on.

3. Baby "Tylenol"...just to finish watching "Lost". Did you SEE Sawyer?

4. Diaper backwards - check!

5. Let her discover the texture of sand, dog's hair balls and garbage can.

6. Cried in sheer frustration of complete loss of control at 4am, 7am, 12pm, 3pm...

7. Cereal in the bottle. People really feed that with a spoon?

8. Went from page 3 to page 7 while reading her a book. She doesn't know.

9. Put her in daycare for a day just to "reintroduce" myself to my husband.

10. Made her completely gender confused by despising pink and everything "princess" like.:)

TOP 10 THINGS I LOVE NOW THAT I AM A MOTHER.

1. Innocence.

2. Her head on my shoulder, getting heavy as she is falling asleep.

3. My God...her laugh.

4. Thinking to myself: "This is the first time she heard "the Beatles".

5. Seeing my husband turn into a complete fool every time her little hand finds his face.

6. Her casually biting on my nose and me not caring.

7. Making the list of 878123678 things that I am going to show her.

8. Hearing her having a full blown "conversation" with her monkey.

9. Ocean, sun...sand on her tiny little feet.

10. "Mama"

TOP 10 THINGS I MISS A LITTLE BIT NOW THAT I AM A MOM.

1. My flat stomach.

2. Sleeping in at least till 9am on a Saturday, then leisurely deciding where we are going to have breakfast while cuddling for hours in bed with my husband.

3. Watching TV without close captioning. "American Idol" will never be the same.:)

4. Having that third glass of wine.

5. Staying up till 3am talking about "What does it all mean?" on a Friday, followed by #2 on my list.

6. Having people ask my name and what I do, instead of "How old is she?"

7. Flying to Paris just because it is spring and what else would I do with my weekend?

8. Doing absolutely nothing.

9. My hair...down, flowing and clean.

10. Full sentences.

TOP 10 THINGS I WANT TO TEACH MY DAUGHTER

1. How to make a fantastic omelet.

2. How to say "no"

3. How to listen to music, really listen.

4. How to peel an orange in one giant round peel.

5. How to put people before money.

6. How to be always curious.

7. How to have a heart for a sick animal or slowly walking senior citizen.

8. How to only do what she loves and never settle.

9. How to know how beautiful she is.

10. How to never stop using your imagination.

TOP 10 THINGS PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT PARENTS SHOULD NEVER TELL PARENTS.

1. "I am tired."
2." I know how you feel. My dog is a bad sleeper too"
3. " Are you going for the natural look these days?"
4. "You know what you should do..."
5. " I've been to Paris 3 times this year. It's just getting old"
6. "My stomach is so big"
7. "You never call me anymore"
8. "I was bored all weekend"
9. "You know when you kind of off because you slept TOO much?"
10. "Shouldn't she .........by now?"

TOP 10 THINGS NOONE SHOULD TELL A NEW MOTHER.

1. "When are you due?"
2. " My baby was sleeping all night every night from birth."
3. "She needs a hat"
4. "Who is the father?"
5. "I lost all my pregnancy weight 2 hours after delivery and my boobs stayed huge. So weird"
6. "Make sure that you get some rest"
7. "You should be breastfeeding'
8. "You will never sleep again"
9. "It will only get more difficult"
10. "You used to be so much fun"

TOP 10 THINGS I CAME TO REALIZE DURING THE FIRST 6 WEEKS.

1. Just because your baby sleeps 18 hours a day, doesn't mean you are.
2. Your body doesn't feel like your own. It leaks, it aches and let's you down.
3. Your kid's smell will become addictive, similar to heroin.
4. You will cry a lot. Happy, sad, overwhelmed...just cry.
5. At least once (sometimes once a day), you will want to return your kid back to the hospital.
6. When your baby cries, your mind literally shuts down and you can't think straight. You just feel.
7. When your kid falls asleep on your chest, you will know why you are doing all this...and then you will cry again.:)
8. Your childess friends will not quite get it, but will be there for you nevertherless.
9. You will try ANYTHING to make your kid smile for the first time.
10. It will get better. Much, much better.

TOP 10 NECESSITIES FOR THE FIRST 6 WEEKS.

1. Supportive husband or a family member
2. Swing
3. Sling
4. Amazing swaddle blankets (I recommend Aden+Anais)
5. White noise of any kind
6. Myson drops
7. Gripe water
8. Dr. Brown's bottles
9. Cloth diapers to use for anything
10. Strong faith that this insanity and sleep deprevation WILL end.

TOP 10 THINGS I FOUND OUT ABOUT GIVING BIRTH.

1. There will be 527457 times that you will think that you are in a labor.

2. There is only once that you will KNOW that you are.

3. The pain doesn't really compare to anything, because you have never done anything like this before.

4. You will forget the pain.

5. You will want to change your child's name to "epidural" after getting one.

6. Modesty will be the last thing on your mind.

7. The baby is not the only thing that will come out of you. Other "things" will keep on coming.

8. Pushing makes you feel powerful and finally in some kind of control of the situation.

9. You will never feel so vulnerable and unexplainable as the first time you see, feel, hear your kid.

10. You will never see anything so beautiful in your life.

TOP 10 TRUTHS ABOUT BEING PREGNANT.

1. Morning sickness lasts all day and all night and makes you want to climb walls.
2. You might lie about your due date just a little bit, so you might appear a little smaller than what you are.
3. The thought that you have a full blown human in your stomach will amaze you, endear you and terrify you depending on the moment.
4. You will leak from everywhere and I mean EVERYWHERE.
5. You will love your full body pillow at night way more than you do your husband.
6. You will count days till your sonograms and afterward will spend hours studying what to other people looks like "shadows".
7. Your baby's hiccups will bring you to tears because you will know exactly where he or she is at that very moment and exactly what they are doing.
8. You will look with amazement between your legs (as much as you can look) and think about labor "There is just no way..."
9. You will envy a non pregnant woman at least once during your pregnancy: either for her tiny, well pronounced waist or that delicious glass of wine she will hold in her hand.
10. You will smear dog poop on your stomach if only it will guarantee no stretch marks in the end.