TOP 10 THINGS I WISH I CAN DO WELL SO I CAN TEACH YOU.

1. Speak French. 

It looks like your whole entire face changes when you speak french. Your cheeks sunk in, your mouth pucker up, you purr like a little velvet kitten.  Plus, you will be able to to make everyone else feel like an idiot when you order at a french restaurant.

2. Dance.

I don't mean "3am, just finished a bottle of wine, Britney Spears "Toxic" is on" kind of dancing. I mean Argentinean tango.

3. Play an instrument.

Something sad and beautiful like cello.

4. Drive a car.

Man, does your mother suck. There should be a national emergency warning when I am on the road. Thank God I live in New York City.

5. Draw.

I am insanely jealous of anyone who can draw more than Mr. Potato Head. No matter how creative I get trying to draw a person, they always end up looking like a snowman or a lamp post.

6. Cook with exotic spices.

Preferably something so exotic that I have to sunk in my cheeks and pucker up my lips to pronounce it. Salt - no, pepper - no, marjoram - oui.

7. Fly a plane.

Yes, I know...for no other reason aside from "How cool is that?"

8. Public speaking.

I've always been able to make an emotional statement about something I care about. What I am talking about is carrying a speech Barack Obama style. Composed, collected, cool.

9. Be good with money.

I wish I knew about all the 401K and investments, so our $20 saving will make it's way from underneath the mattress.

10. Be an amazing parent.

The one that people write stupid Oprah about. You know with unlimited patience, constantly great attitude, completely selfless. The one that can keep you entertained with a piece of paper for an hour and sing you self composed lullabies.

Instead, you got me...