Wednesday, August 26, 2009

TOP 10 THINGS I LEARNT ABOUT BABY/TODDLER SLEEP TRAINING


This post is inspired by seeing the light (3 nights of sleeping straight through) and then having that light cruelly taken away from us (last 3 nights awake 2-3 times a night). I apologize if I sound a little hopeless, angry and sad, but after 13 months, reading every book on the market, having amazing routine and trying CIO in a New York apartment the size of a shoe box...me and my husband thought things would be a little different.

So, what did I learn about baby/toddler sleep and sleep training?


1. It's an oxymoron.

2. Every sleep method I read has a small print "This might not work if your child is teething, going through a milestone or any additional change". You mean like every day until they are 18?

2 1/2. "If your child vomits from crying too hard, calmly clean up the throw up and leave the room". What am I, a fucking Hitler? I feel bad for the non-related to me drunks throwing up at 3am outside the bar. Imagine how I feel about my non-verbal, teary up, "Why are you doing this to me?" BABY.

3. Every book I read has "No cry" or "Easy" in their title, but by chapter 3 I always realize that it is not the case. FYI: Some of us work, so no, I cannot chart every time my daughter rubs her eyes.

4. Only sleep training can make two college educated, smart, patient parents feel like a  complete powerless idiots.

5. It's mind bugling to me how can anyone wake up at 5am, never stop moving and still have problems falling asleep at 9pm.

6. I would agree to gain a 100 pounds if in return I will get 8 hours of continuous sleep EVERY night WITH my husband in OUR bed ALONE. Too bad I will no longer fit in that bed.

7. I was scared shitless when I read on internet that some kids still wake up 2-3 times a night at 3, 5, 7 years old.  Should of adopted a 16 year old. I heard they sleep till 2pm.

8. I want my money back for every soother, nighttime CD and comfort blanket I bought in the last year. I fell for all of you.

9. When I daydream at work, it's always the same: nursery on the 3rd Floor of my modest mansion and "Tori and Dean's" nanny is carrying our girl away for the night as I open a nice bottle of red.

10. Maybe sleep problems is the way to keep this world from being overpopulated, because if we didn't have them people would have 10-15 kids each.



Please feel free to comment and give me advice or take my daughter for a week and sleep train her.

 

11 comments:

  1. Ahh, to sleep for 8 hours in the same bed as my husband...we can all dream. And yes, if my 15 month old manages to sleep though the night, my 4-year old will invariably have a nightmare so I STILL cant sleep!

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  2. Ah yes after waking up at 4:30 every morning for the past 3m (of course after already being up several times to soothe the wiggle monster) this gives me some reassurance that its going to get better... I often fantasize about getting a babysitter just to take a nap

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  3. I have no answers/advice/wisdom but I can totally empathize. I'm so there with a 9 month monster in my bed. that takes 3 bottles a night. 3 STILL!

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  4. thank you for this one! This post made me feel so validated for all my emotions...my little one is a horrible napper and will sleep 3hours in a row at night...but after that wakes up every hour. If only I knew what was keeping her awake!!
    I love your top tens, keep them coming!

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  5. oh! the joys of 2 or 3 nights of full sleep...then, the monster remembers how comfy is mom's and dad's bed and the nightmare beggins all over again, this time with more wake ups and crying, I think they do it to get their strength back, lol

    Karina (IAP)

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  6. My favorite sleep training tip...put them down in their crib drowsy... do these people even have kids?

    flowerschild
    IAP

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  7. 2 1/2!!! exactly what you said. thanks!!

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  8. I firmly believe that moms who claim their baby sleeps through the night are liars or delusional or define "through the night" as 4 hours.

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  9. this is really funny. I can relate to you hunni, bradley doesnt sleep either,

    kristalsfirst IAP

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  10. Oh my gosh.... I am not alone in this struggle! I'm comforted to find your post. Our 18-mth-old needs less sleep than I do! I'm 44 and have already raised two children, who didn't have sleep problems; now am remarried and we are blessed with our little girl, but everything I learned from raising two other children, plus all I learned while running a registered home daycare for 8 years.... none of it helps! She just doesn't need sleep, and I thought I was the only one going thru this until I found your post.

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  11. You are so right (and funny). My 17 month old is a horrible sleeper. He still wants bottles during the night. I refuse to sleep train primarily bc I think it's cruel and secondly bc everyone who has recommended it to me has fucked up kids. As for the sleep advisers, as well as the AAP: I doubt that many of these people have ever had kids.
    Natalie, NYC

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